John Howard from Keating the Musical

How many drinks did it take to concieve of this?

Below is a job advert from the Australian Government Job Network....


ASSET MANAGEMENT TRAINEESHIPS
New Traineeship
Description

3 X Traineeships- Asset Management (Waste Management) *12 months full-time traineeship *Suit school leavers *Earn on the job while you gain an accredited qualification - Certificate II in Asset Maintenance (Waste Management) Hume City Council is seeking to employ 3 Waste Management trainees based at the Council Depot in Coolaroo. In this role you will be trained in the following duties: *Driving and operating waste collection vehicles *Disposal of waste *Working within Occupational Health & Safety Guidelines If you are looking for a career start and the opportunity to earn a qualification wed like to hear from you. You will need to demonstrate- *Good numeracy and literacy skills *The ability to work with people from a diverse range of backgrounds *Willingness to learn and follow instructions *Must have a current drivers licence and be eligible for Heavy Vehicle licence **TO APPLY: Please email your resume to jennifer.ebdon-hope@megt.com.au or fax 9879 5570, Att: Jennifer EH.**
Details
Location: VIC - COOLAROO
Salary: AWARD
Work type: Full time position, 35 hours or more per week
Tenancy: Permanent, 6+ months
Hours: 38HPW
Number of positions: 3

Preferred licences: Car
Source: Employment service providers
Job ID: 198305581
Last modified: 05 June 2009
Options: Traineeship, Job Network card preferred

How to apply

To apply, please email JENNIFER EBDON-HOPE at MEGT;Ringwood at jennifer.ebdon-hope@megt.com.au.

Job seekers who have a Job Network Card are encouraged to apply.

Here follows the version after parsed threw Orwellian Management Speech dictionary...

*12 months full-time traineeship
(We can pay you crap money for up to 12 months!)

*Suit school leavers
(We are hoping for someone so incredibly stupid that they havent worked out this is a job for a Garbo!)

*Earn on the job while you gain an accredited qualification - Certificate II in Asset Maintenance (Waste Management)
(Yes, most of the CEO's of the fortune 500 have a Cert II in Asset Management(waste management)

Hume City Council is seeking to employ 3 Waste Management trainees based at the Council Depot in Coolaroo.
(Trainees! You might think emptying a bin is easy, but it can take years of committment grasshopper!)

In this role you will be trained in the following duties: *Driving and operating waste collection vehicles *Disposal of waste *Working within Occupational Health & Safety Guidelines
(In case you havent worked it out yet, you are going to be a Garbo!)

If you are looking for a career start and the opportunity to earn a qualification wed like to hear from you.
(Yes, a career as a Garbo!)

You will need to demonstrate- *Good numeracy and literacy skills
(Why?)

*The ability to work with people from a diverse range of backgrounds
(You will be working with Wogs mostly, who cant speak a word of English)

*Willingness to learn and follow instructions
(We will treat you like the Flee Ridden Scurvy Dog that you are!)

*Must have a current drivers licence and be eligible for Heavy Vehicle licence
(One day, instead of running along-side the truck, you will be driving it, and wont that be sweet!)

Sol Trujillo- Adios Loser

Since trying to screw both sides of the political spectrum, and in fact making himself so unpopular in Canberra that he had to pay hookers to get a meeting in the town, Sol has decided to stick the fangs in with a parting shot describing Australia as "Racist and Backward". So, I thought today we would use the Chaser view of him as a going away gift.

Dirty Deeds

For us mere mortals who probably wont be able to go to the concert which was sold out in 2.7 seconds, here is a treat.

Mental Health week in China?

A man contemplating suicide last Thursday in the southern Chinese city Guangzhou received a less-than-helpful hand when he was pushed from the bridge by an angry onlooker.

Distraught over accumulating 2 million yuan ($290,000) in debt, Chen Fuchao had been contemplating suicide for hours on the Haizhu Bridge before Lai Jiansheng approached him, shook his hand, and pushed him from the ledge where he was standing.

Suicidal Man in China Pushed from Bridge

The not-so-gentle nudge caused Chen to fall 26 feet (8 meters) onto a semi-inflated emergency air cushion, laid out earlier by authorities. Chen survived the fall and is recovering in the hospital with injuries to his elbow and spine, China’s official Xinhua News Agency reported on Saturday.

As for Lai, push had apparently come to shove for 66-year-old, who called Chen’s activity “selfish.” The area surrounding the bridge had been sealed off during Chen’s suicide attempt, resulting in a five-hour traffic jam.

“I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish. Their action violates a lot of public interest,” Lai told Xinhua. “They do not really dare to kill themselves. Instead, they just want to raise the relevant government authorities’ attention to their appeals.”

According to Xinhua, Lai asked police if he could speak with Chen. When his offer was refused, he broke through the cordon, climbed to Chen, and greeted him with a handshake and a shove.

Lai was released on bail Friday, reported the Beijing Morning Post. The paper also said Laid has been on medication for “a mental illness” for decades and had been on his way to a hospital for his pills.

The Haizhu Bridge has been the site of 11 other suicide attempts since April.

Keating

Without a doubt the greatest parliamentarian known to man. Debate all you like about what sort of a PM the guy made, but we are all the poorer without PJ in the parliament anymore.